After all the rain we had earlier this summer, August and September have been nothing but gorgeous sun-filled days here in Maine. As you've noticed, if you keep up with my blog, I have not been posting for a while. Today it is raining. Today I was hoping to catch the last day of MOFGA's Common Ground Country Fair...it's an event I've heard about since before I even moved to Maine. Fortunately for you it is raining and I just don't have the energy, the cash or the gumption to drive a total of 4 hours and then sit in the cold rain to learn about bee keeping, cover crops, or weaving with mohair. I don't mean to whine, but I'm tired!
My head swims when I try to sit and think clearly on what exactly I've learned so far this year at the farm.(It swims even more when I think of the things I have yet to learn.) I will definitely need the winter months to process some of this. Then maybe I can form a better answer than the sarcastic one I've been giving lately: Yeah, I've learned a ton this summer...most importantly: Do Not move your farm.
Somehow, the entire month of August went by in a flash and at the end of it, we had moved 40 goats, several buildings, the buck barn, the cheeseplant, everything from the old house and we completed a new giant greenhouse barn to house the goats and the new milk parlor. Then my parents visited for a week, then Scott's parents visited for 2 weeks. And throughout all this, we still kicked ass at market, delivering our delicious cheese to our customers as if it was second nature. Our asses were dragging, but our eyes were bright and we continued to laugh.
At first, I thought this would be a post as an update to what I've been doing for the past 2 months, but I think I'd rather stay current and talk some about burn out. Scott and Jen and various other farmers have shared with me that everyone--Everyone who works on a farm goes through burn out. There's nothing to do to avoid it. When I hit a small patch of burn out earlier in the summer, everyone told me the best way to get over it was to work through it. Not the answer you want to hear at the time...but they were right. I worked through it on auto-pilot and within a few days I was back with a clear head and ready to make some more cheese!
Then there is another type of burn out which I unfortunately hit the week before my parents got here. My mood changed pretty dramatically and I had a terrible temper. I was loosing it on the goats and being a jerk to the people around me. Nothing made me happy and I did not want to be in that cheeseplant or in the barn or even in the house. Of course there is no such thing as an opportune time when working on a farm. Scott told me to take a couple days off and I did. He and Jen worked to cover the gap that I left and we all survived. My parents visit was more stressful than I ever imagined it would be and now, a month later, I feel like I'm finally getting back on top of things with my work. I think the burn-out is behind me for this season and I'm already looking forward to next season.
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Can you believe I honestly thought things would slow down in the fall? We have just as much cheese to make each week plus extra for special events and the holiday season, even though our supply of goat milk is dwindling each day with the sunlight. As difficult and long as the days can be here, I know that I made the choice to be here and I continue to choose this life each day. I went into this apprenticeship looking for the answers to these questions: What is goat farming like? Would I like goat farming? Now I know the answers to those questions, and new questions have formed to take their place: Is this the right lifestyle for me? Do I want to devote my life's work to this?
There are countless things I still need to do and things I need to learn and things I need to improve on. Things that need fixed, things I need to think about and put into practice. Things that will just have to wait till next year, things to do this winter and things that needed done 2 weeks ago. I guess I didn't really understand Jen earlier in the summer when she described this lifestyle as an all out sprint for 8 months and then off for 4. She said she is good as a distance runner, someone who can work a long ways at an even pace. But that she's still not sure if she wants to do the 8 month sprint. At times, it doesn't seem like a healthy way to sustain life, but I haven't made it to the off-season yet. I am very much anticipating a break, a time to reconnect with my friends and time to begin planning for my own farm.
